brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
