I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
