you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
