So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
