Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
