Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its not stalking. its research.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
