Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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