Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
