thus making me awesome and them whores
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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