What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
