You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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