youre lurking in front of me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
