meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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