She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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