I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I queefed so loud it echoed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
