After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
