So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
