No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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