so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
