yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize