happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
