I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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