Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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