Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
