you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
