So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
