too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize