I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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