I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think your dad took our porno
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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