he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bring money and cleavage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
