i just had sex bonerless
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
