yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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