Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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