I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
