I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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