Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
