I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize