She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
