my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
