listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
