Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
