Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
