I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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