yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
