like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
