im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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