if you like me you must not know who I am
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
