if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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