found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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