All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
