At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
