How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
