how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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