we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
