whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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