remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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