you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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