quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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