they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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