Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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