Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
