Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
