We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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